Movie Review - Nurse 3D

Movie Review - Nurse 3D

NURSE1.jpg

I have been putting off writing my review of Nurse 3D, mostly because I deplore feeling like I don't have anything constructive to say. But there isn't much redeeming about Nurse 3D and I am having a hard time not being insulting. The way I see it, the role of a blogger or film critic is to inform others whether or not they should see a film by presenting a fair assessment of it's content and their opinion of it. It isn't to find creative ways to shoot barbs at the film makers and show how smarmy one can be. That being said, this movie, though visually pleasing at times, has little to offer.

In the interest of being as constructive as possible, I'll start with the one element of the film that worked: The visuals. The film is inspired by the photography of Lionsgate chief marketing officer, Tim Palen. And most of the credit goes to the art department, the costume and makeup designers, and the cinematographer, who paint pictures in a soft balance of both bold and muted tones using a color scale that compliments the way the movie is shot perfectly. But herein lies the problem, that is all there is to the film, eye candy. And despite what the director of this film must have thought, that is not enough to carry a feature length movie. 

I should also note at this time that I did NOT see this film in 3D, but I am positive that even seeing Katrina Bowden half naked in the shower is not enough to warrant having made this movie in 3D. And that is saying a lot. But the main issue is that there isn't really a cohesive story. It has an identity crisis. It can't decide if it's trying to be the kind of edgy, dark and sexy that made American Mary such delight; or if it's just a Single White Female ripoff. It is at times both and neither of these, because it refuses to commit to either. And further, it neglects to connect the two in any meaningful way. Which is why we probably shouldn't be making entire movies based on some sexy photograhs.

The story centers around Abby Russell (Paz de la Huerta - Boardwalk Empire) is a dedicated nurse, but at night she lures cheating men to their deaths with her smoldering sexuality. When Abby becomes obsessed with a younger nurse, Danni (Katrina Bowden - 30 Rock) she begins to insert herself forcibly into the her life. But when cracks in Abby's facade begin to show, Danni suddenly sees her for what she really is: a killer.

Film making is like putting a puzzle together and making sure that all of the pieces fit together and aren't just jammed in at random where they don't belong. Otherwise, you won't see the whole picture. This movie fails to even take the pieces out of the box. The gore was tame, the sexuality felt forced, the dialogue was labored and obtuse, and the two story lines fail to connect in a significant way. It's like a ninety minute music video or perfume commercial that would be better viewed on mute. I highly avoid skipping this one.

Grade D-.

- Leo Francis